I can’t believe that it’s the middle of March already. I’m not quite sure just where time is going, but I’m really trying to stay present to each day, each moment. Despite my temporary mental anguish, I feel really good… about life. I was getting ready for bed last night and talking to my husband about how I don’t think I’ve ever really felt this good. It helps that my thyroid is finally under control (therefore I don’t need 13 hours of sleep to feel rested), I’m completely hormone free (been using Fertility Awareness Method for 14 months), and I’m exercising regularly (like every day). I don’t know if it’s the warm weather, the “happy” endorphins from the exercise, or all the AMAZING food at my fingertips, but life if good. I’ve got family at my fingertips, I LOVE where I work, it’s not hot yet… I know, it’s probably a combination of all those things.
I don’t know that there have been many times in my life when I have felt so content. Don’t get me wrong, my inner cynic is still ever-present, I’ve just been trying to keep her under control, because if not, then I’ll be on the ledge. What’s great is that I went back and read one of my journal entries from 2 years ago and I talked about how I had this epiphany that no one else could motivate me. There was not going to be some cataclysmic event to prompt me to “eat better, exercise, take my medicine everyday, not be motivated by guilt, etc…” As I read those words I realized, “Hey! I’ve done those things!” In fact, not only am I able to take a pill EVERY DAY at the same time, but I just ran my first 10-miler two weekends ago…and I could have kept going. It felt amazing! And then I was disappointed to find out that this area is having a Marathon/Half Marathon event while I’m in Spain. (Granted…I would rather be in Spain any day!) But I would have totally signed up for the half. I’m sure I’ll do one on my own, but it would have been nice to have the experience of the entire event, anxiety pooh and all.
I can’t believe that I’m 31 years old, I’m living in my childhood home — with my mother, and I’m finally acting like a grown up. It feels really good.