Photography

Coming Up For Air

Struggle Quote

I think we’ve finally emerged from the fog of newborn days….20 weeks later!  I think I’ve finally caught my breath.  I seem to not only have my nose above water, but I’m actually treading water over here.  I’ve got a lot to say.  I hope I can find the words to adequately capture the last 20 weeks of my life.  Maybe it will all come out all at once, maybe it will trickle slowly.  But words are what I need right now to keep this experience in perspective.  And I want to remember; I want to not have rose colored glasses when hindsight is all I have.  I feel a new strength has surfaced…and lord knows I’ll need it as I find my new pattern of life.

*Mediterranean Sea Moraira, Spain, 2014*

The Day Is Near

Waiting

How do you describe the day before you know you’ll meet your child?  I am being induced tomorrow.  My mom texted me today and said that today feels different for her; for me it feels the same as the last 39 1/2 weeks — completely normal and completely surreal.

My last post at 34 weeks seems like yesterday and 100 years ago.  Maybe this is the entirety of being/becoming a parent: a constant paradox.

Ironically, since my shingles has cleared up, I’ve never felt better.  Really, these last 2 weeks in particular have been the best of my entire pregnancy.  Don’t get me wrong, my pelvis is about to completely fall apart and I walk like a 2,000 year old person, but mentally I’m finally there.  I’m finally ready to say: #letsdothis!

When I went in for my 37 week check up the doc told me, much to my surprise that I was 2cm dilated and 70% effaced.  The adrenaline kicked in.  At my 38 week check up I was 3cm and 80% effaced.  The adrenaline really kicked in and I thought for sure I would be meeting my monkey over Memorial Day Weekend.  So last Friday at my 39 week appointment I wasn’t sure what to expect; however, my progress has stalled and I’m still the same (3 & 80).

The emotion of it all manifested at the 37 week check up.  My sis came over that weekend and helped us set up the guest room baby’s room.  She and I and B nearly all lost it a few times, but especially during another Target run when I realized that I lost my mucus plug.  It was “gettin’ real in the whole foods parkin’ lot” if you know what I mean.  But we’ve all had time to settle a bit and now I just feel calm — a really weird calm.

I feel really fortunate to have gotten a little staycation weekend with the hubs over Memorial Day weekend.  We thought for sure it was our last together as a family of two so we made the most of it.  We watched like 5 movies (even went to the theater for one of them!) and cleaned the house, played cards, cooked almost all our meals at home together, limited phone calls, slept a lot; it was magic.  Then nothing.  I was all geared up — or rather zen-ed out — and then, nothing.

So I’ve tried to keep that level of internal calm for nearly another two weeks.  I’ve tried to be present to every opportunity — including junky tv, a random breakfast date, “long” walks, watching B cook for me, listening to music and meditations, and just sitting in the quiet of the house staring at my budding lemon tree.  I know that there will never be a time like this again.  As melodramatic and cliche as it sounds, I know life will never be the same again.

But I am ready.  I am ready for this new journey; a chance for renewed self-discovery and connection with my husband and the world.  And mostly, I’m ready to get this squirmy creature out of my body so I can squish it pieces!

Wish me luck!

It Is What It Is – Thoughts On My Pregnancy (so far)

Thirty one weeks….  T-H-I-R-T-Y O-N-E W-E-E-K-S people.

31 Weeks

I finally feel like I can spend some time reflecting on this whole thing.  Time is such a strange phenomenon and concept.  Pregnancy has been one of the most unusual and difficult experiences of my life (and sometimes overwhelmingly amazing).  Let’s go ahead and add to that experience the purchase of a new home, a remodel of said home, moving, and having a husband in a major accident and unable to use one leg for 10+ weeks.

I guess I should start from the beginning… (hang on, this is a LONG one)

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Weekend Scene

Ok Fall Allergies, you win!  We made the absolute most of the insanely beautiful weather this weekend, but now I’m paying the price.  I’m surrounded by a cloud of used tissues and my nose looks like Rudolph’s.  I love fall, but fall in Texas makes me really work for it.  Clearly that didn’t stop us from eating the most amazing food and taking a nice ride through the city.

And now onto the week.  Hey October, I’m glad you’re here.

Oct Weekend 2014

Weekend Scene

Beach Weekend Sept 2014

With the weather finally cooperating the hubs and I headed south to the Gulf Coast.  Clearly this family likes the beach — even an old, stinky, puddle-brown one.  The salt air is good for my soul.  Mornings were spent drinking tea and reading from this book (a delightful gift from the hubs some years ago); I went for an unexpected long run by myself (who knew the sand was easier on my knees?!); and there was plenty of time for other things: eating like we had never tasted food, drawing out potential new tattoos, playing cards, swatting mosquitoes, and celebrating life with friends old and new.

With each visit to my childhood stomping grounds, B and I have an ever more serious conversation about having our own cabin.  He is just ITCHING to design a beautiful, modern beach house.  And this was the first cabin we’ve stayed it (and we’ve staying in a least 5 in the last 3 years!) that has been more up my alley interior-wise.  It was a super-cute, clean and modern ikea-hacked cabin.  (See the full cabin here.)  This only added to our growing desire to put a permanent stamp on another property.  But I think the best way to curb our real-estate appetite is to convince my mom and dad that they really want one and we’ll just come visit all the time!

(You can see where my love of this beach started here and another beach weekend here.)

Finally

Let’s all take a minute to deeply exhale… we made it through another summer! Fall is officially here today as the high was only 85.  I love the metaphor my friend used — “the fever broke”.

It was an interesting and full summer and I’m glad I took a break from this space.  But also, I missed it.  And my sabbatical allowed me to miss it.  While I was away I worked (and worked and worked) and spent a lot of time thinking (it’s kind of what I do) about everything that is life.  I read books, watched movies, went on (not enough) walks, took a few photos, visited family and flexed other creative parts of my brain.

But I’m ready to be back…. so let’s do this internet!

Fall 2014

Summer Sabbatical

I thought I would pop into this space to say life has happened and gotten in the way of my little electronic creative outlet (i.e. my blog).  I’m trying to strike a balance and want to make sure I’m not ever posting anything because I feel compelled rather than because I want to.  (I don’t know why I feel that pressure…it’s not like I make money doing this…)  Anyway… I may not be in this space right now, but you can find me on Instagram.  Happy Summer… I’ll be back soon!

Summer Sabbatical

The hubs snapped this last summer when we were in The DR.  I want to go back!

Celebrating 10 Years Together

We kept tradition alive and did our annual anniversary photo-shoot yesterday on the actual day of our anniversary.  And tonight we’ll celebrate with a proper dinner date!  I think we should celebrate all weekend…

10th Anniversary

10th Anniversary

This year’s location was an easy choice; it’s our favorite Thursday date-night location.

And you can see a few outtakes after the jump…

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