How do you describe the day before you know you’ll meet your child? I am being induced tomorrow. My mom texted me today and said that today feels different for her; for me it feels the same as the last 39 1/2 weeks — completely normal and completely surreal.
My last post at 34 weeks seems like yesterday and 100 years ago. Maybe this is the entirety of being/becoming a parent: a constant paradox.
Ironically, since my shingles has cleared up, I’ve never felt better. Really, these last 2 weeks in particular have been the best of my entire pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, my pelvis is about to completely fall apart and I walk like a 2,000 year old person, but mentally I’m finally there. I’m finally ready to say: #letsdothis!
When I went in for my 37 week check up the doc told me, much to my surprise that I was 2cm dilated and 70% effaced. The adrenaline kicked in. At my 38 week check up I was 3cm and 80% effaced. The adrenaline really kicked in and I thought for sure I would be meeting my monkey over Memorial Day Weekend. So last Friday at my 39 week appointment I wasn’t sure what to expect; however, my progress has stalled and I’m still the same (3 & 80).
The emotion of it all manifested at the 37 week check up. My sis came over that weekend and helped us set up the
guest room baby’s room. She and I and B nearly all lost it a few times, but especially during another Target run when I realized that I lost my mucus plug. It was “gettin’ real in the whole foods parkin’ lot” if you know what I mean. But we’ve all had time to settle a bit and now I just feel calm — a really weird calm.
I feel really fortunate to have gotten a little staycation weekend with the hubs over Memorial Day weekend. We thought for sure it was our last together as a family of two so we made the most of it. We watched like 5 movies (even went to the theater for one of them!) and cleaned the house, played cards, cooked almost all our meals at home together, limited phone calls, slept a lot; it was magic. Then nothing. I was all geared up — or rather zen-ed out — and then, nothing.
So I’ve tried to keep that level of internal calm for nearly another two weeks. I’ve tried to be present to every opportunity — including junky tv, a random breakfast date, “long” walks, watching B cook for me, listening to music and meditations, and just sitting in the quiet of the house staring at my budding lemon tree. I know that there will never be a time like this again. As melodramatic and cliche as it sounds, I know life will never be the same again.
But I am ready. I am ready for this new journey; a chance for renewed self-discovery and connection with my husband and the world. And mostly, I’m ready to get this squirmy creature out of my body so I can squish it pieces!
Wish me luck!